The Goodest Boy: NICK!

Today we have the wünderbar pleasure of having Nick post! Woo! Nick, take it away.

I am posting today a little about myself and you have to guess the blanks! No one likes to be a bored bystander. Or sitter. Or a bored babysitter. Or a board baby sister. 


My name is ___.


One time I wasn't being careful whilst shaving and I accidentally ___ myself.


When I was a boy I loved watching TV. My favorite show was for sure ___.


My favorite candy bar has nuts and chocolate. Yep! You guessed it!  ___.


The most incredible actor in my opinion is ___. He is as good as it gets.


I love pennies, dimes, and quarters so much! But the one I like most is obviously the ___.


I did this sick half marathon a couple of years back and this other guy and I ran at almost the same pace the whole race. It felt like we were running ___ and ___.


Bluegrass is AMAZING. One of the most talented and dedicated bands is ___. I wish they would get back together.


When I am standing in line to get food I don't like being first to go. I usually try to be ___ to last.


The most treasured part of my body is obviously my ___. It is the best place to grab when you are sitting down and someone tries to hug you from behind.


Christmas is one of the most magical times of year. The jolliest Saint ever was definitely ___.


Phew! I am glad I am at the end of this post. I feel like I finished in the ___ of time.


Do you have any suggestions for me? Please share! (Thanks for letting me post, Gabriella, ella, ella.)

Spoonerisms

I am weird. I like sounds and words and switching the sounds in words around. (I will beat you at Mad Gab.)

Here are some (mostly) musical themed ones:

Koby Teeth

Wil Phickham

If Gungor comes up with a new album I think it should be called the Gungor Games.

Vowel City

David's Clam Chowder Band

I am not the only one who has done this... Jon Acuff wrote about starting a handkerchief company called SMOT (in response to TOMS.) And then BOBS were created. Lame.

Photo by the amazing Gavin Duffy

And this isn't one where I switched it around but they are my friends and their music is beautiful:

Micah | Michelle

You might not want to read this guest post...

Today we at the blogging girl world have the distinct/extinct/Istink pleasure/play? sure!/plessure/pressure of welcoming @somuchgross to guest post/guessed posed! Without further adieu/ado/I do...

I am not not known for being gross. Quite a few of my friends and family think they are cleaner, nicer, more refined, funnier, and smarter than I am. But mostly cleaner. SO, I am qualified to share this information today.

5 pizza slices of advice from the grossest one:


1. Hold in your toots (so you don't have to wear this:)

2. Fake shower (I learned this from this guy.) Here is an excerpt from his post about living with roommates:

In Thai culture it is very important to take at least two showers a day – usually three if it’s been particularly hot and humid that day.  I don’t really like taking showers.  I understand they are important for general cleanliness and personal hygiene but I find they take much more time and energy than not showering…

However, to appease my roommate’s cultural expectations I’ve been taking more showers.  When I can I like to try and take two showers a day.  Although, on those days when I really don’t feel like taking a shower I’ve been taking fake showers.  I spray the shower water all over the bathroom area and wet my hair a little if he’s in the room.  I even hit a new low last week when I started wetting my towel to avoid any queries as to why my towel was always dry after my “showers.”

Some of you may be saying, “Doesn’t it take just as long to fake a shower as it does to take a real shower?”  The answer to that question is a simple “no.”  Yes, it’s deception but it is still much easier to take a fake shower than a real shower.  I’m working on changing my ways but please be patient with me.  It’s a gradual process – one shower at a time.

Fake showering > real showering

3. Use stuff like nasal and ear wax washes.

4. Try not to wear clothes from your estinky pile. (Nacho, anyone?)

5. Love the fact that someone who looks like this:

Can also look like this:

 And make this variation of a cake pop...

Now that all your appetites are shot, I shall kindly leave.

Thanks for letting me post, Gabriella.

FREE swag my running heart

I ran a half marathon this past weekend and one of the best parts was all the free stuff! The expo is amazing because of all the swag you can get as well before the race... and the food you can get after the race is really wonderful too! I actually ended up not getting a lot of free swag at the expo (I was thinking costume changes, masks, stilts...) because I parked at McDonalds with limited parking and could only stay for an hour but I did go big and go home with the post-race swag and then I wrote a run-on* sentence.

All in all I got 7 bags of Bare Naked granola, 2 Cytomax bottles (the citrus was suprisingly good! Propel now has a contender.), 5 GU packets, 4 snicker marathon bars, 4 bananas, 2 oranges, and 1 luna bar. (Plus more like chapstick, a wine sample, and fortune cookies...)

Do you want to know the best part? I got the GU packets when I was at mile 9. I kept grabbing them and ran the rest of the race with my free stuff. Look below and laugh to yourself.

For all you haters out there (Amanda, I am looking at you), I saved countless pennies for 3 1/2 years for this one race and think that getting some free food and goodies is totally coo without the l.

*See what I did there?

Do you like free things? Do you send other people yourself free things?

Song love

In celebration of going to this bluegrass festival in San Fran this weekend I wanted to post some dreamy songs for your ears to enjoy.

I want you to be my love- Over the Rhine

Only God can save us now- Over the Rhine

When you come back down- Nickel Creek

The fox- Nickel Creek

Down to the river to pray- Alison Krauss

Long time traveller- Wailin' Jennys

One voice- Wailin' Jennys

Any songs you want to recommend?

The Secret Perks of Being a Dad (A Guest Post by Sir Tyler Tarver)

Today I have the happity dippity do dah day time of having my first guest poster! I began reading Sir Tyler Tarver's blog a while ago and kept reading it because this guy is so dang funny. He also makes ridiculous videos... like how to defeat Darth Bad Guy using lightsaberbabies or how to cook a mean banana. (Get it?)                                                                                                                                    
Taller Tahrver (how I say his name out loud because he is a southern gent) likes puns, teaching, and being accused of dealing drugs. He has also been known as the Wal*Mart version of Ryan Gosling. So, there's that. If I ever meet Tyler I shall challenge him to a game of Mad Gab. ALSO, please read Tyler's book entitled Words & Sentences. You won't not not not be glad you did.

The Secret Perks of Being a Dad

In life, people have kids. The parent who is male, is called the “dad”. I know, knowledge abounded. Here are some perks of being a dad that someone might not read in What to Expect When you’re Expecting and/or The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers.

Conversations: My kid just rounded the one year mark like a long-term high school relationship, so the only words he can really say articulately are daddy, uh oh, and grandiose. However, I like to partake in little games with the gibberish he spits out in sentence form.

Whenever we’re in public and he starts rambling on, I like to respond as if he said something deeper than the hole Mel Gibson dug for himself. Examples include, “I see your point, but I just feel the barbarian integration as mercenaries carried a majority of the weight that led to the downfall of the Roman Empire.” Or, “Rene Descartes never said that, you’re paraphrasing”.

Pushing: You remember when you were in grade school and you got in trouble for pushing? I know, I loved pushing too like the wife of someone with the street name for a drug dealer. Well, guess what proud male owner of a brand new kid, You, yes You! Get to push that kid in every plastic car and cart and carton and anything else starting with “c-a-r” that you can’t keep your wife from buying. I know, it’s like that one fight you got into except you don’t get suspended like James Earl Jones’ pants in Field of Dreams.

Humility: You only get one life. That’s what some people say anyways, but not if you have kids. Cause you get to train them to be better than everyone else. Yeah, and when they are better than everone else, you get to show them how awesome you are at humility by not rubbing it in their face that your kid can do 15 pushups while reciting the Preamble to the Constitution at age 1.2, while their kid is chewing on a dog biscuit.

Those are a few perks you won’t read in the textbook.

Thanks G-Money, I’ll try to think of a cool nickname like you asked later.

Tyler Tarver is so sweaty it’s freaking gross. You can check out his website tylertarver.com, subscribe to it here, check him on Twitter @tylertarver, or just buy his brand new toilet book which he won’t shut up about titled Words&Sentences. He also might be in love with you so much it’s freakin stupid.

Nature Girl has some fun!

Being a naturalist has been so incredible.

I mean... I get paid to hike around all day, act insane in ridiculous skits, teach 11 year-olds about science, and be sarcastic with kids who don't really get sarcasm. (Story: I told a story about why we shouldn't use sticks to help us hike and the story involved a camper named Bob who tripped and was speared through the stomach with his stick thus receiving the name shishkaBob... hahaha not really funny but just a story regarding hiking sticks. I realized they did not get the joke when one of my students asked me, "Did he go to the hospital?) Teaching outdoor science has been really wonderful but also challenging. I am not a huge science nut, but I have been learning new words such as crepuscular, protist, and other cool words I can't think of right now...

There have been a few highlights:

Having one of the chickens at the garden fly frantically out of a student's arms

Eating bobcat scat*

This night

Placing mannequin legs in strange places for my cabinmates to see

There is currently a raccoon on my porch as I type this. I tried to take a picture of it with my computer but it was too dark. So, inspired by the queen of ugly faces, I knew I had no option:

And finally, being called Nature Girl all week

I love my job.

Love,
Nature Girl

*Or, a Chocolate Brownie Clif Bar that I have rolled into a very believable turd.

CPR do do do do do do do

You know that song, "Shark Attack do do do do do do?" Well, now I am going to be sort of prepared in case that happens to someone near me. Would you like to know why? You do! Great.

Today I got certified with CPR/AED and First Aid.

BUT it was online. And it took like 3 seconds.

Isn't that bad?

I have been certified a bunch of times because I have been a camp counselor, nanny, and teacher. But never online. For those of you who do not know (me), I did not receive my contract teaching 1st Grade this past year. We had a decrease in student enrollment and I did not get a contract. BUT I did receive a job at Mission Springs working as a naturalist with Outdoor Education! Woo! Here are some of the requirements of being a naturalist:

     Don't shave. (I've got this covered...)
     Become a freegan. (or vegan if you want.)
     Look like you just popped out of an REI photo shoot.
     Bike everywhere.
     You only can use these to wipe.

After reading the requirements I can report that I am super pumped about this new job!

Back to my CPR story. I think it's weird I got certified online. While I was reading the information during the course, I noticed buttload of errors. Being a grammar fanatic and having OCD, I was aghast. So I took a screen shot of one of them. (Questions one should ask an injured person: "When did the patient last ate") Really?

You can't really see. I should have zoomed in...

Throughout the course I found a misuse of commas, (I don't always use them correctly but it is a pretty comman error in regards to punctuation. Grammar pun. Sorry.) misspelled words, typos, and information that was not presented in the most effective way possible. It was bad.

I am going to email them and tell them they have quite a few errors and people should not be able to become certified with them. I mean, I know it important to be gracious with typos because we all make mistakes but I think a heath care organization should present information in a clear and effective way. (Not to mention the fact that if you get a 70% on the quiz you can get your certification. AND they have no way of knowing it was you taking the quiz and not your mom.)

Would you let someone to save you if they had only read online about administering chest thrusts and placing someone in the recovery position? Or if their mom had taken the quiz for them? OR what if you don't have any arms and you become certified?


In other news, we went rafting this past weekend with friends. The rapids had names like Texas Chainsaw Massacre Rip Your Head Off...

{Piercing screams}

He lived...

In other news, here is a DMV situation my friend's roommate observed:

     DMV Employee: (calling the next customer) Shady Nasty?

     DMV Customer: OH NO YOU DI'N'T! It's Sha DYnasty!

(And I am on Google Plus One or whatever now. My sister also got me on Google Voice and enjoy anonymously texting friends with new number.)

Do you have Google Plus One or Google Voice? How much do you love/hate them? Also, any good CPR stories?

Why you should eat placenta

(Rick and Ray were bugging me about eating placenta after writing this post so I decided to write a tinsy explanation.)

About a year ago my sister and I ate the placenta of her daughter. She had been wanting to try it ever since she was pregnant and she even joked about making placenta lasagna. Yes.

After their home birth, her midwife encapsulated the placenta and we drank that puppy down! Don't worry- I couldn't taste it. It was just like taking vitamin C. Except it was in the womb for 9 months and was in a white bowl after my niece was born.

You should eat it because...

- It is nutritious.

- Some cultures eat it! (My sister, husbie, and babyski and babski in the oven are all moving to Zimbabwe so it is just the start of eating weird things...)

-You can be pla centa of attention when you tell people about the day you ate it!

-Maybe it can help with post partum depression. Or if you are the aunt it can probably help in some way too.

That's all. Who wants to try it?!?! Maybe if/when I have kids I can serve you up some lasagna if you come over. You won't even know it's in there...

Yays and Boos of Going to the Dentist

I went to the dentist on the very last day of my insurance and it inspired me to write about it!

Yay!

1. I get free floss, toothpaste, and toothbrushes. (Tip: If you want to get more, you can ask your hygienist and your dentist!)

2. My teeth become shiny, smooth, and clean.

3. I can check it off my list.

Boo...

1. That scraping noise may be the worst noise I have ever heard. Katie said it's satan's tool.
2. If you don't floss often, it hurts and bleeds when you finally go.
3. They hurt you and take your money.

Do you like the dentist? Do you loathe the dentist?

The Art of Being Annoying

My Dad is amazing. He has taught me so many things and is a great Dad. However, one of the best things he has taught me is how to be annoying. I shall share a short anecdote to illustrate how he purposely annoys his children.

He is skilled in many areas, but I would not say music is one of them. He probably has the musical talent equivalent of a platypus. That being said, he went through a phase where he would wake us up on Saturday mornings violently strumming the strings of a guitar singing, "IT'S WAKE UP TIIIME WAKE UP TIIIME WAKE UP TIIIME." Oh, how we loathed Saturday mornings.

I have learned a few valuable principles through the years and I shall share some with you.

1. Repetition
This is probably the most important one. If you do something more than 4 times, you can make it to be super annoying. This includes words, touch, body movements, you name it! Whenever our family goes Christmas tree hunting I like to find a long piece of grass, sneak up behind an unsuspecting victim, and quickly put it is in an open ear. The victim quickly brushes away a bug... until they find out it me and I have to speed away before I get attacked.

This also happens too...

2. Sound
I can hiss air through my teeth so it comes out to be a sound dogs can hear... and some people too. My friends and family hate it and always ask me to desist. I sometimes acquiesce, only after I have done it enough times. If you can make any weird (low, high, loud...) sound and keep doing it, you have become annoying. Good job!

You know those REALLY crinkly Sun Chips bags? Yeah...

3. Touch
My Dad has really perfected this art. Another way he would wake us up was to gently dangle a wet string on our faces to wake us up. We would wildly bat at whatever was touching our faces but my Dad would somehow always dart away. It's frustrating even thinking about it.

Now you are equipped to be annoying! Woo!

PS As I am working on this post my sister comes up behind me and slurps up her drippy peach in. my. ear.

Are you annoying? What annoying things do people do to you?

Happy birthday to the dreamiest niece ever!

My cah ute niece turned one. I can't even believe it!

It seems like it's only been a year since my sister was pregnant...

2 of these is not like the other...

She loved when I held her.

That placenta was so good!

A girl after my own eyes.

She loves crying...

... and smiling!

I think she is more fashionable than I am.

What a little...

We were taking a couple of practice shots with Hope and her Great-Grandparents.
(I am not sure if my Dad thought he was out of the frame...)

She LOVES food!

You show 'em, nature girl!

LOVE!

And the best part is that I will be an aunt again... come Thanksgiving!   :)

CPCP (Cake Pop Cell Pictures)

Karin and I made Cake Pops yesterday (inspired by Bakerella.)

There were a few cell pics to document our journey.

We rolled, dipped, and stuck.

I gave one a sprankle hat and Karin gave one freckles.

Cake pops make you go crazy!

Why you em we are baking queens.

Other Seester (plus family!)

My sister Amanda is amazing! So is Ryan (my brother-in-law) and Hope (my niecey.)

Check them out!

Seester

It was my baby sister's sweet 16 on May 10th. It was my golden doodle birthday on the 24th.

We celebrated last night at Benihana using our sweet 30 dollar certificates! It was one of the funniest nights in a while. We were crazy.

On her birthday she turned into a crazy hipster.

Note the baby in yellow.

Then she got her ears pierced.

Then she got her driver's licence. If I had a smartphone instead of a dumb normal phone I could post the screen shot of her finger clenching/I am so freaking excited text.

I changed this little one's diapers when she was a babskie. Oh MAN!

Happy Birthday Priscilla!

I scream

Have you ever tried to make ice cream by shaking some milk and junk in a bag and then putting it in a bigger bag with salt and ice? It's pretty hard. and messy. and cold.

Now add roughly a hundred 6 year olds to the equation.

*pulls hair out*

In math we are studying measuring right now and I thought it would be fun to make ice cream. You know, experiential learning and stuff.

SO we made ice cream. I tried to be clear about my directions but somewhere in there I think all the kids heard me say make sure NOT to close the bags all the way and to let your open bag of salty ice water bow down and kiss the precious carpet.

We started out with an organized, clean event. It churned into a crazy, messy, spillfest.

*pursed lips/eyes closed*

In addition to eating their yummy creations, they also loved spilling in various spots around the classroom. Awesome.

At least it's not my carpet.

Is that blood in there?

Thank you and good night.

The Bachelorette is a weird show.

If you think the Bachelor or the Bachelorette are a little or a lot ridiculous (Here are 30 rando people. Please choose one you want to spend the rest of your life with!), you need to read what Knox McCoy has to say about it...

Here is his recap of the first episode of the Bachelorette...

:)

♫ Do you love me... do you love me? ♫

He is 6. I wasn't sure what to say but the turtle stepped in...

When/If I am a mom...

Things I hope I never do as a mom:

Forever Refer to my child’s age in months (after they are 1 year.)  I cannot tell you how stunned I feel when someone talks about their 30 month old. Really? You can’t just say 2 and a half? Please drop kick the months and warmly embrace the years.

Tell them to say things when they have not learned how to talk yet. Moms, I know it is a kind gesture, but please don’t ask your 3 week old to talk to me. They can’t. you can tell me thank you for the blanket, though.

Forever carry my baby in the infant car seat. I work in our church nursery and there was a mom who would carry in the infant car seat with her little girl inside. When the mom was ready to go, she would take her daughter out, and her daughter would then walk around! If she can walk, please do not carry her around in the car seat.

Try to lose the stubborn baby weight.

Just kidding.

Things I hope to do when I am a mom:

Wear my baby! I L. O. V. E. babywearing and will rock the Moby like it is a part of me for the first few months of my child’s life. When they get bigger I will wear the Ergo as much as I possibly can.

Let my kid eat some weird stuff. My sister rocks at this. Well, my sister and I had tea parties under the kitchen table eating dust, dry bread, and dead flies treats leftover from previous meals. Sick. Blech. But we turned out with great immune systems so I guess it worked.

Dress my baby up in awesome costumes, outfits, and wigs. They are powerless so this is the only time I will have ultimate control of how they look. I will get socked later but I think it is totally worth it.

Talk in a high, silly baby voice. We all do it. It is inevitable. I think babies really like it.

What do you hope to do or not do when you are a mom or a dad? If you are a parent, what things have you done that you thought you would never do?

Obsessed

Hello.

My name is Gabriella and I have an obsession with free things. I frequent the site sweetfreestuff.com and I love it. Please go there to send (good) samples to yourself and (weird samples) to others.

Here is a picture of the mail from one day:

3 samples for myself and a fiber sample for one of my rooomates!

Maybe I will start to only use shampoo from the samples. (I could probably get by...)

Cinco de Mexico

Yesterday our class did a bit of celebrating Cinco de Mayo. I played a few fun songs in Spanish and some of the kids danced in front of the class. Then one boy started booty shaking. "No shaking your bottom!" I ordered.

I had a couple of questions from students in regards to my connections with Mexico. (I am as white as they come.)

"Are you a Mexico person?"

"Do you know how to speak Mexican words?"

I love my job.

Ew.

Today one of my 1st Graders said to me:

"Were you picking your boogers? I saw you."

I didn't really know how to respond.

Oh... the life of a 1st Grade Teacher!

Don't Be That Girl: Facebook Edition

Inspired by Tyler Stanton's Don't Be That Guy posts, I have decided to create my own.

Don't Be That Girl: Facebook Edition

1. The Me Monster
Much like Brian Regan describes people who are usually consumed with themselves, this person will take a situation on facebook and bring it back to themselves. This can also be known as a Penelope (from SNL) who always has to one-up those around her.
Example:
Kate: Last night was so hard. I got only 4 hours of sleep as Jack was up most of the night coughing.
Me Momster: Oh my gosh! Last night was really hard for me! I only got 2 hours of sleep as Annie and Rayden were both up throwing up and having asthma attacks and now they both have pink eye.

2. The Questioner
I don't write facebook statuses, but if I did, I would probably delete these comments. This person loves to ask questions about what is going on. They want to know why, where, when, who, and anything else that is plaguing their mind.
Example: 
Kate: Hello Seattle!
Annoying person: Why are you in Seattle? How long are you here for? Did you know I live here? Do you want to hang out?

3. The Liker
I think this person has a smartphone and is on this thang all day long. Or they are just super positive. Or they just click like without thinking.

Example: 

Kate: Being sick is no fun.

Too much time on her hands: Likes this

Kate: I just got the job!

Too much time on her hands: Likes this

Kate: I will remember you... will you remember me?

Too much time on her hands: Likes this

Kate: Is now single.

Too much time on her hands: Likes this

4. The Grandma

I read somewhere that ladies above the age of 50 spend 47% more hours on facebook as college students do. Their comments are everywhere. They also may want to boast their skillz of motherhood on unsuspecting young mothers.

Example:

Kate: Arg! I am so frustrated. I cannot get the kids to church on time. Another week being 15 min late.

Gram: Hey Sweetie, 

It is hard being late! I always planned with 15-20 minutes to spare when I had your mom. Just get up a little earlier than you think. You can always eat in the car too. Love you darlin! 

Love, Grammie

There are probably more. What facebook girls make you want to pluck out your eyelashes?

Koshery Store

If I ever open a store selling only Kosher foods I think I have an idea that just might work...

Your Guyses

Here is another grammar itch:

When people say "your guyses."

Grammar lame-o: "How were your guyses weekends?"

Grammar snob: "How was everyone's weekend?"
or "How were each of your weekends?"

Your guyses is not correct English. Please never say this again!

Of vs. Have: Who will win?

Grammar peeve:

When people replace of for have when they are writing or talking using the past participle.

Grammar meanie: I shouldn't of gone there.

Grammar freak: I shouldn't have gone there.

Oh, grammar, how I love thee.

An Open Letter to Tyler Stanton

This week I got my 4 copies of Everyday Absurdities in the mail! The book is absolutely hilarious and I am excited to give some away!

Now the reason I am blogging about this is because:

1. It is an everyday absurdity.
2. I emailed Tyler a while ago and all I got was an auto-response.
3. In addition to the auto-response it said his stinkin' inbox was full.

So here I am today.

One of these is not like the others...

I opened it up...

... and I got double the fun halfway through:

I think it could be a collector's item! Maybe I should try to sell it on ebay!

Or I could always use it for my coffee table.

Marathon!

So.

I did it!

I did a marathon. It was SO hard. But so good. As soon as I finished I told my friends and family to never run one. I am so glad I did it though. The training was really challenging, and so was the race. I wanted to challenge myself mentally and physically, and I met that challenge!

I got a couple of free yogurts post-race:

BUT I might run another one in a few years. But for now, I am sticking to half marathons and hopefully duathlons. (I first need to get a bike!)


Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
-Hebrews 12:1-3

Meeting the Pioneer Woman!

Que dreamy!

Last night I met the Pioneer Woman/ Ree Drummond who was in San Francisco for a book signing!

Loved it. She is so funny and so sweet.

Hooray!!!
(Love her blog.)