CPR do do do do do do do

You know that song, "Shark Attack do do do do do do?" Well, now I am going to be sort of prepared in case that happens to someone near me. Would you like to know why? You do! Great.

Today I got certified with CPR/AED and First Aid.

BUT it was online. And it took like 3 seconds.

Isn't that bad?

I have been certified a bunch of times because I have been a camp counselor, nanny, and teacher. But never online. For those of you who do not know (me), I did not receive my contract teaching 1st Grade this past year. We had a decrease in student enrollment and I did not get a contract. BUT I did receive a job at Mission Springs working as a naturalist with Outdoor Education! Woo! Here are some of the requirements of being a naturalist:

     Don't shave. (I've got this covered...)
     Become a freegan. (or vegan if you want.)
     Look like you just popped out of an REI photo shoot.
     Bike everywhere.
     You only can use these to wipe.

After reading the requirements I can report that I am super pumped about this new job!

Back to my CPR story. I think it's weird I got certified online. While I was reading the information during the course, I noticed buttload of errors. Being a grammar fanatic and having OCD, I was aghast. So I took a screen shot of one of them. (Questions one should ask an injured person: "When did the patient last ate") Really?

You can't really see. I should have zoomed in...

Throughout the course I found a misuse of commas, (I don't always use them correctly but it is a pretty comman error in regards to punctuation. Grammar pun. Sorry.) misspelled words, typos, and information that was not presented in the most effective way possible. It was bad.

I am going to email them and tell them they have quite a few errors and people should not be able to become certified with them. I mean, I know it important to be gracious with typos because we all make mistakes but I think a heath care organization should present information in a clear and effective way. (Not to mention the fact that if you get a 70% on the quiz you can get your certification. AND they have no way of knowing it was you taking the quiz and not your mom.)

Would you let someone to save you if they had only read online about administering chest thrusts and placing someone in the recovery position? Or if their mom had taken the quiz for them? OR what if you don't have any arms and you become certified?


In other news, we went rafting this past weekend with friends. The rapids had names like Texas Chainsaw Massacre Rip Your Head Off...

{Piercing screams}

He lived...

In other news, here is a DMV situation my friend's roommate observed:

     DMV Employee: (calling the next customer) Shady Nasty?

     DMV Customer: OH NO YOU DI'N'T! It's Sha DYnasty!

(And I am on Google Plus One or whatever now. My sister also got me on Google Voice and enjoy anonymously texting friends with new number.)

Do you have Google Plus One or Google Voice? How much do you love/hate them? Also, any good CPR stories?

Why you should eat placenta

(Rick and Ray were bugging me about eating placenta after writing this post so I decided to write a tinsy explanation.)

About a year ago my sister and I ate the placenta of her daughter. She had been wanting to try it ever since she was pregnant and she even joked about making placenta lasagna. Yes.

After their home birth, her midwife encapsulated the placenta and we drank that puppy down! Don't worry- I couldn't taste it. It was just like taking vitamin C. Except it was in the womb for 9 months and was in a white bowl after my niece was born.

You should eat it because...

- It is nutritious.

- Some cultures eat it! (My sister, husbie, and babyski and babski in the oven are all moving to Zimbabwe so it is just the start of eating weird things...)

-You can be pla centa of attention when you tell people about the day you ate it!

-Maybe it can help with post partum depression. Or if you are the aunt it can probably help in some way too.

That's all. Who wants to try it?!?! Maybe if/when I have kids I can serve you up some lasagna if you come over. You won't even know it's in there...

Yays and Boos of Going to the Dentist

I went to the dentist on the very last day of my insurance and it inspired me to write about it!

Yay!

1. I get free floss, toothpaste, and toothbrushes. (Tip: If you want to get more, you can ask your hygienist and your dentist!)

2. My teeth become shiny, smooth, and clean.

3. I can check it off my list.

Boo...

1. That scraping noise may be the worst noise I have ever heard. Katie said it's satan's tool.
2. If you don't floss often, it hurts and bleeds when you finally go.
3. They hurt you and take your money.

Do you like the dentist? Do you loathe the dentist?

The Art of Being Annoying

My Dad is amazing. He has taught me so many things and is a great Dad. However, one of the best things he has taught me is how to be annoying. I shall share a short anecdote to illustrate how he purposely annoys his children.

He is skilled in many areas, but I would not say music is one of them. He probably has the musical talent equivalent of a platypus. That being said, he went through a phase where he would wake us up on Saturday mornings violently strumming the strings of a guitar singing, "IT'S WAKE UP TIIIME WAKE UP TIIIME WAKE UP TIIIME." Oh, how we loathed Saturday mornings.

I have learned a few valuable principles through the years and I shall share some with you.

1. Repetition
This is probably the most important one. If you do something more than 4 times, you can make it to be super annoying. This includes words, touch, body movements, you name it! Whenever our family goes Christmas tree hunting I like to find a long piece of grass, sneak up behind an unsuspecting victim, and quickly put it is in an open ear. The victim quickly brushes away a bug... until they find out it me and I have to speed away before I get attacked.

This also happens too...

2. Sound
I can hiss air through my teeth so it comes out to be a sound dogs can hear... and some people too. My friends and family hate it and always ask me to desist. I sometimes acquiesce, only after I have done it enough times. If you can make any weird (low, high, loud...) sound and keep doing it, you have become annoying. Good job!

You know those REALLY crinkly Sun Chips bags? Yeah...

3. Touch
My Dad has really perfected this art. Another way he would wake us up was to gently dangle a wet string on our faces to wake us up. We would wildly bat at whatever was touching our faces but my Dad would somehow always dart away. It's frustrating even thinking about it.

Now you are equipped to be annoying! Woo!

PS As I am working on this post my sister comes up behind me and slurps up her drippy peach in. my. ear.

Are you annoying? What annoying things do people do to you?

Happy birthday to the dreamiest niece ever!

My cah ute niece turned one. I can't even believe it!

It seems like it's only been a year since my sister was pregnant...

2 of these is not like the other...

She loved when I held her.

That placenta was so good!

A girl after my own eyes.

She loves crying...

... and smiling!

I think she is more fashionable than I am.

What a little...

We were taking a couple of practice shots with Hope and her Great-Grandparents.
(I am not sure if my Dad thought he was out of the frame...)

She LOVES food!

You show 'em, nature girl!

LOVE!

And the best part is that I will be an aunt again... come Thanksgiving!   :)

CPCP (Cake Pop Cell Pictures)

Karin and I made Cake Pops yesterday (inspired by Bakerella.)

There were a few cell pics to document our journey.

We rolled, dipped, and stuck.

I gave one a sprankle hat and Karin gave one freckles.

Cake pops make you go crazy!

Why you em we are baking queens.

Other Seester (plus family!)

My sister Amanda is amazing! So is Ryan (my brother-in-law) and Hope (my niecey.)

Check them out!

Seester

It was my baby sister's sweet 16 on May 10th. It was my golden doodle birthday on the 24th.

We celebrated last night at Benihana using our sweet 30 dollar certificates! It was one of the funniest nights in a while. We were crazy.

On her birthday she turned into a crazy hipster.

Note the baby in yellow.

Then she got her ears pierced.

Then she got her driver's licence. If I had a smartphone instead of a dumb normal phone I could post the screen shot of her finger clenching/I am so freaking excited text.

I changed this little one's diapers when she was a babskie. Oh MAN!

Happy Birthday Priscilla!

I scream

Have you ever tried to make ice cream by shaking some milk and junk in a bag and then putting it in a bigger bag with salt and ice? It's pretty hard. and messy. and cold.

Now add roughly a hundred 6 year olds to the equation.

*pulls hair out*

In math we are studying measuring right now and I thought it would be fun to make ice cream. You know, experiential learning and stuff.

SO we made ice cream. I tried to be clear about my directions but somewhere in there I think all the kids heard me say make sure NOT to close the bags all the way and to let your open bag of salty ice water bow down and kiss the precious carpet.

We started out with an organized, clean event. It churned into a crazy, messy, spillfest.

*pursed lips/eyes closed*

In addition to eating their yummy creations, they also loved spilling in various spots around the classroom. Awesome.

At least it's not my carpet.

Is that blood in there?

Thank you and good night.

The Bachelorette is a weird show.

If you think the Bachelor or the Bachelorette are a little or a lot ridiculous (Here are 30 rando people. Please choose one you want to spend the rest of your life with!), you need to read what Knox McCoy has to say about it...

Here is his recap of the first episode of the Bachelorette...

:)