The Secret Perks of Being a Dad (A Guest Post by Sir Tyler Tarver)

Today I have the happity dippity do dah day time of having my first guest poster! I began reading Sir Tyler Tarver's blog a while ago and kept reading it because this guy is so dang funny. He also makes ridiculous videos... like how to defeat Darth Bad Guy using lightsaberbabies or how to cook a mean banana. (Get it?)                                                                                                                                    
Taller Tahrver (how I say his name out loud because he is a southern gent) likes puns, teaching, and being accused of dealing drugs. He has also been known as the Wal*Mart version of Ryan Gosling. So, there's that. If I ever meet Tyler I shall challenge him to a game of Mad Gab. ALSO, please read Tyler's book entitled Words & Sentences. You won't not not not be glad you did.

The Secret Perks of Being a Dad

In life, people have kids. The parent who is male, is called the “dad”. I know, knowledge abounded. Here are some perks of being a dad that someone might not read in What to Expect When you’re Expecting and/or The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers.

Conversations: My kid just rounded the one year mark like a long-term high school relationship, so the only words he can really say articulately are daddy, uh oh, and grandiose. However, I like to partake in little games with the gibberish he spits out in sentence form.

Whenever we’re in public and he starts rambling on, I like to respond as if he said something deeper than the hole Mel Gibson dug for himself. Examples include, “I see your point, but I just feel the barbarian integration as mercenaries carried a majority of the weight that led to the downfall of the Roman Empire.” Or, “Rene Descartes never said that, you’re paraphrasing”.

Pushing: You remember when you were in grade school and you got in trouble for pushing? I know, I loved pushing too like the wife of someone with the street name for a drug dealer. Well, guess what proud male owner of a brand new kid, You, yes You! Get to push that kid in every plastic car and cart and carton and anything else starting with “c-a-r” that you can’t keep your wife from buying. I know, it’s like that one fight you got into except you don’t get suspended like James Earl Jones’ pants in Field of Dreams.

Humility: You only get one life. That’s what some people say anyways, but not if you have kids. Cause you get to train them to be better than everyone else. Yeah, and when they are better than everone else, you get to show them how awesome you are at humility by not rubbing it in their face that your kid can do 15 pushups while reciting the Preamble to the Constitution at age 1.2, while their kid is chewing on a dog biscuit.

Those are a few perks you won’t read in the textbook.

Thanks G-Money, I’ll try to think of a cool nickname like you asked later.

Tyler Tarver is so sweaty it’s freaking gross. You can check out his website tylertarver.com, subscribe to it here, check him on Twitter @tylertarver, or just buy his brand new toilet book which he won’t shut up about titled Words&Sentences. He also might be in love with you so much it’s freakin stupid.